tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73795843853729734262024-03-13T05:53:41.390-07:00Lipgloss and Cigarettes.Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.comBlogger142125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-19931284222782152762013-10-07T09:05:00.002-07:002013-10-08T13:09:18.208-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"><br />
Doctor Sharpe</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘I’ll see you soon,’ I said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> A heartbeat.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Let’s hope not,’ said Doctor Omera Sharpe.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">He smiled even though my throat had closed up
and my eyes were filling with tears.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘I mean, we don’t want any more accidents do we?
We don’t want you hurting yourself Rose.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">That was the first time he ever said my name and
I marked it off in my diary as a turning point. I wrote: ‘today Doctor Omera
Sharpe said my name. This marks a direct change in my life.‘ I would have
written more but the box for the 22<sup>nd</sup> May 2013 was too small so
I just drew a small black heart in the top right hand corner and then I drew
another one in the left corner. One is mine and one is his.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">Doctor Omera Sharpe has pictures
of naked women on his computer. I know this because I went into the clinic the
other day and we talked. He said, ‘what are your symptoms this time Rose?’ </span><span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 24pt; text-indent: 36pt;">This
was the second time that he had ever said my name but I didn’t mark it in my
diary because of what happened next. I said, ‘well, I have been getting dizzy
and hot and I have some marks on my thigh area. They are like faint welts.’</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">Doctor Omera Sharpe said, ‘Okay, could you get
onto the bed for me please?’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">He said it quite tersely because he was worried
about being tempted by my body again.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Are you feeling dizzy right now?’ he said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">He came closer and I said, ‘Oh yes Doctor, I
feel dizzy and hot, so hot.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">He looked at me and I let my mouth open
slightly. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I was wearing dark-red lipstick.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Could you show me the welts please?’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Yes,’ I said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I struggled with my jeans and did actually start
to feel really quite hot.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Sometimes they disappear though,’ I said.
‘Sometimes they are here other times they are not.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I was wearing my very best panties, they are
white lace with a bow, but he didn’t look at them he just looked at my thighs.
The Doctor was transfixed by my thighs. I smiled to myself because I have to
admit I was <i>surprised</i> that he found them so enticing. I have quite a lot of cellulite and a few moles.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">Doctor Omera Sharpe smoothed my thighs and
massaged them; he pinched my flesh between his fingers. Finally he said, ‘It
doesn’t look like there any welts here.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Why don’t we wait a little bit longer Doctor,
they tend to come back every five to ten minutes.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Could you bear with me for a moment?’ he said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I said, ‘sure’ and smiled at him.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">While he was gone I felt his office come alive
around me, his brown swivel chair, his stethoscope on the desk; tiny flecks of
pale yellow ear wax on the rubber buds, his pens and pencils, some of the ends
chewed; the blue head of a biro gnawed into a point. And then I looked at his
computer and the mouse and the keyboard, all of which were grubby from the
times that Doctor Omera Sharpe had rubbed them and touched them with his
fingers. My heartbeat quickened when I realized that somewhere on the computer
there was a file that was labeled Rose Durrell and that in that folder were
details about me, that he had written, there might even be details about love;
possibly. At least, in the computer I might find- an answer as to why Doctor
Omera Sharpe continuously flirts with me, an answer as to why Doctor Omera
Sharpe will not supply me with the blue tablets anymore. What does Doctor Omera
Sharpe means when he says that I need to see a different type of doctor too?</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I got up off of the bed and pulled up my jeans.
I didn’t do up the button in case he came back in and I had to quickly pull
them down again and jump back onto the bed.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I am quite used to using the computer because I
have been a member of several dating sites and had to write my profile
information (I said that I was interested in reading, gardening and helping
endangered animals when really my interests are television, eating and sex.)
But anyway, it was to my advantage now because I managed to flick through all
his files quickly.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">Doctor Omera Sharpe had a very complicated
system. I tried to think like him, to unpick the difficult names of the little
yellow folders, ‘spinal- Sussex 060693.’ I didn’t panic, I felt the warmth of
his hands of my thighs, his breath on my ear and amongst it all I found one,
‘girls’ it said. Of course I clicked, after all I <i>am</i> a girl.
But inside the folder there were just miniature women in thumbnail, with their
legs spread open and their heads back, eyes closed; ecstasy. I scrolled through
the miniature women quickly, using my left hand to stop my right from shaking
too much to hold the mouse. The women were mostly brunette, with fair skin, I
bit my lip as the realization hit me, they were thick set, they wore white
underwear, they all looked like… They looked like <i>me</i>. I leapt
backwards and knocked the chair- it skittered across the floor like an octopus.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">The door opened.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Oh good,’ said Doctor Omera Sharpe, ‘you’re
dressed.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I understood that this was a sensitive moment
for him and so I just said, ‘yes.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Well, surgery is closing in five minutes.’ </span><span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 24pt; text-indent: 36pt;">He
looked at me. ‘But please do come back if the welts reappear.’</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Oh, I will,’ I said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">Driving home I stopped at a set of lights. It
had begun to rain and I looked at a fly that was caught and drowning where the
bonnet met the windscreen. I realized that Doctor Omera Sharpe had been locked
in a psychological prison, fantasizing about me constantly.</span><span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 24pt; text-indent: 36pt;">The thought made me feel awful and I stopped at
a garage to buy a multi-pack of crisps.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">But then when I got home the living room didn’t
feel so lonely, the kitchen suddenly had character, the dead flowers on the
side in the hallway looked romantic- like forbidden love.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">*</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I was surprised when I called the surgery the
next day. The receptionist answered, there was nothing unusual about that.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Hello’, she said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">(She has blonde hair and she wears it in two
plaits and acts like a little girl but also wears short skirts. I know why that
is.)</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Hello,’ I said tersely.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Oh, it’s Mrs. Durrell isn’t it? Oh…’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">The receptionist covered the receiver with her
hand but I could hear her twittering to someone else who was obviously there. I
wondered who it was, whether perhaps Doctor Omera Sharpe had asked her to
forward my calls directly to his office.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Mrs. Durrell? Are you there?’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I’m not going anywhere, my legs
are covered in enormous welts.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Oh,’ she said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">She cleared her throat as though it was full of
sharp blades.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘I have been asked to tell you Mrs. Durrell, I
have been asked to tell you that Doctor Sharpe can’t see you anymore. He would
like to advise you that you need to see a different kind of Doctor.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">She covered the receiver again.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I imagined her neat red nails.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Hello,’ she said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Hello,’ I said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘You shouldn’t come here anymore. We know you
don’t have welts on your legs. This is just a small surgery. We’ve got lots of
people to see. You need to see a different kind of Doctor, one that can help
you, you know, mentally.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">She paused.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Hello?’ she said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Hello,’ I said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Doctor Sharpe has sent out a letter Mrs.
Durrell. I have to go now.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">Eastenders</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> was on the television so I watched that for a while but then
when it finished there was nothing left for me to do but sob in the shower
while cascades of water ran out of my eyes and over my enormous body.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">*</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">The next few days were very difficult but I
quickly realized that I had to find an excuse to get into the surgery, to
see Omera. I needed to make myself sick, and fast. I wondered if it was possible
to infect yourself with cancer and found lots of places on the Internet that
said you could and gave lists of foods and drinks and products that would do
just that. So I did an online ASDA shop for almost all of the things of the
list (apart from green olives and dark chocolate because these are foods that I
absolutely hate and will only resort to if things were to get really
desperate.)</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I also ordered five packets of cigarettes.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">When the delivery arrived the young boy who rang
the bell looked rather worried. He was red in the face. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said,
‘I’m <i>trying </i>to get cancer.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">He walked away quite slowly.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> I ate all the food in the first few
days and smoked the cigarettes over the course of a whole week. It wasn’t as
easy as you might think for someone who has never smoked in her whole life. But
then I realized that it would probably take a very long time to give myself
cancer, probably longer than Doctor Omera Sharpe would remain in love with me.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24pt; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">*</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I sat opposite the curtains on a stool with one eye staring out of
the crack between them. Outside the concrete was apricot in the dusk, the
shouting of little boys and girls, thwacks of footballs, an ice-cream van,
nobody came and nobody went, the telephone did not ring. Omera, I thought,
where are you?</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24pt; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">*</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">All day long I watched the television or stared out of the window.
I usually take care of myself but now I forgot to eat. I didn’t miss the food
and when my selection box of cakes went hard and the icing began to crack like
an old foot I did not feel sad. I only felt lonely.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> Sandra who used to call by and talk to me about lipsticks and what
eye shadows suited me the most stopped coming now. She couldn’t have picked a
worst time but she must have found another job. Even though I never bought
anything from her I missed talking to her and looking in amazement at the
parrots that dangled from her ears.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">It was later that week that I took my bath and
the neighbours were playing very loud music and I thought again, Omera. Omera
Sharpe. And then suddenly as if from nowhere I realized, Omera Sharpe, Sharpe, <i>sharp</i> and
I jumped out of the bath and nearly fell down the stairs running to the kitchen
to open to up all the drawers and line up the utensils like a little hopeful
army on the kitchen worktop.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">Outside everyone in the world was the same and
the sky was dark for so many hours but inside the blood was thick and heavy.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24pt; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">*</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">It was difficult to drive, that is all I am saying. I am not one
to complain greatly, I rarely grumble. But it was difficult to drive because I
had made several incisions on my hands and this made holding the wheel very
painful. Making the sharp turns left and right that the journey required
stretched the wounds open wide. Also, my face was covered with wounds and blood
kept running from my forehead over my eyebrows and around my eyes. And I could
smell it, which is really horrible and bad, actually. It smelt like an abattoir
in my little car. But I didn’t care. Even when I was creating the incisions I
didn’t even feel them, not <i>really</i>. I just thought of Omera.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">And when I arrived, when I pulled into the car park I was
delighted because there was a space next to his car, his dark blue, royal blue,
his Audi.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">At Reception the Receptionist sat, as usual,
stacking appointment cards and when she saw me her jaw dropped open but I just
said tersely, ‘I would like to see the Doctor, please.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘You…’ she said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> She seemed lost for words but I started to worry that she was
angry about the red stain that I had left behind me but then I thought, I can’t
help that! I’m critically ill and I said again, ‘I want to see the Doctor,
please.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> An old woman with a dark green
cardigan and a red nose sat in the waiting room. The old woman stared at me and the Receptionist just sat there with her mouth
open.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘I think she’d better see the Doctor. Look at
her arms! And her face! Her cheek is coming away!’ said the old woman
eventually.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Thank you!’ I said and
turned around to beam at the woman but then I realized that my cheek really was
coming away and I took off my rain hat to hold it against my face. It wasn’t
that I was impatient but every moment that I was not with the Doctor was agony
and then also I was starting to feel actual agony because I had cut myself over
fifty times.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> ‘Mrs. Durrell. This is the last time you will see the Doctor. Mrs.
Durrell, what have you done?’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> ‘Get me to the Doctor,’ I said simply.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">The Receptionist pressed a red button with her red fingernail and
spoke, ‘Doctor Sharpe, we have an emergency out here. Could you come here
please? Doctor Sharpe?’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">But before she had even stopped talking the saloon doors of his
surgery room opened and he was there, a silhouette against the bright synthetic
light.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> ‘Jesus Christ,’ he said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">And I thought, yes, you are, you are Jesus Christ.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24pt; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">*</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘I’ll get a wheelchair,’ he said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">And he did and he put me down, not altogether gently because of
the stress that he was under seeing me like this.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">When we were alone he gave me an injection and I
slept. The last thing I saw was his face and the last thing I heard was,
‘fucking hell’ but those curse words sounded so beautiful to me because,
because it meant that Doctor Omera Sharpe, it meant he cared about me.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">After I came round the Doctor seemed even less
calm and collected than he was before. He had finished stitching my wounds and
I looked with wide eyes at my hands, which were filled with tiny little bits of
string.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘You’ve done an excellent job Doctor,’ I said.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘Mrs. Durrell,’ said the Doctor in reply, ‘I want you to listen
very carefully. Look in the mirror.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">He held up an oval shaped mirror, which framed my face in white
plastic.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> ‘You have ruined yourself. You have destroyed your life. These
scars will never heal.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> ‘What do you mean?’ I said, ‘I needed to see you. I needed to talk
to you… You can’t stop loving me because of a few scars.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">I tried to laugh but the stitches in my lips and around my mouth
strained horribly.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> ‘Surely, you must love me for more than my looks.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">The Doctor cleared his throat impatiently.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> ‘I do not love you Mrs. Durrell,’ he said, ‘you are not to come
here again. If you come here I will call the police.’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24pt; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">*</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">As I drove home that evening I watched myself in the rear-view
mirror. It was very dangerous but I barely looked at the road. I thought of my
old face, the face that a fine Doctor had loved, the face that he had dreamt
of. My stranger’s mouth turned downwards and upward now at the same time. The
split lip had been sewn but still separated. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;"> Doctor Omera Sharpe had not done a
good job.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24pt; text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">*</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">The next day I phoned my mother for the first time in seven </span><span style="font-family: Courier; line-height: 24pt;">years.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">‘I met a man, mother. I thought I had fallen in
love. But it turned out, you know, it turned out that he was completely
shallow. He only wanted me for my looks, he wanted my body. It’s only lucky that I
found out in time mother, you always told me…’</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: black; font-family: Courier;">The answer machine cut me off but I listened to
the dial tone for several seconds, looking at my broken face in the hallway
mirror and smiling with my jagged lips.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-2708658269220259722013-10-06T09:10:00.000-07:002013-10-07T10:29:25.229-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="font: 13.0px 'Courier New'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">YOU<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Once I was out at the club, in a dress that
was designed to make boys/guys/men feel really hot under the collar and really
hard inside their pants. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">It was not the kind of dress I would have
usually worn but I had just recently broken up with my boyfriend of five years
and two months.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">He had left me for another woman and so I
wore the dress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">I thought that I looked good and I felt
powerful and when I walked in my high heels it was as though I didn't care
anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">So I went into the club and then I saw you,
but after a few seconds you started to talk to someone with extremely large
breasts and I realised that it probably wasn't you at all but that I was yet to
find you. And then I saw that there were many you's in the club and I thought,
Jesus Christ! Who needs a relationship! And I began to weave my wicked spell on
all the men in the club.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">After an hour or so my friend patted me on
the back while I was sick in the toilet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">She said that my dress really suited me and
that she thought I had lost weight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">She also said that she had always been
jealous of my relationship with my mother.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">We talked about her relationship with her
mother for 30-40 minutes and then I realised that there was no time to find you
before the lights came on in the club and made her come back out into the club
and dance to Rihanna even though she was crying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">She was crying and singing at the same time
and also dancing in a very weird way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">I looked at some girls who were wearing big
clothes where only a tiny bit of their bodies showed, like their wrists or
sometimes their bellies. They were surrounded by men and they danced very well.
I tried to dance like them and I pulled down my dress and a man said, 'put it
away love!'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">He was the first man to have spoken to me all
night and even though he was rude and had orange hair I thought it might be
you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">In the taxi queue my friend told me to shut
up, I told her to shut up back and thought that she was jealous because I was
talking to a man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">'Did you have a good one?' he said. He had a
nice jacket and carried a blue plastic bag.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">'Oh yeah it was great.' I said. 'We danced
all night.'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">'You want to come back to mine? We can split
the taxi fare.'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">The man didn't look at me. I thought, I'm not
going to sleep with you on the first date. And then I thought; I'm not actually
on a date. But then I thought that I should try and still be alluring in case
this man was you. I took off my white jacket even though I was freezing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">'I'm so warm,' I said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">The man looked at all the other women at the
bus stop. My friend was green, like she was going to be sick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">'So how about it then.'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">I laughed a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">'I'm not that kind of girl mister!' I said. I
thought that he looked very disappointed and I said, 'I'll give you my phone
number though.'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">'Why?' he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">'What do you mean why?' I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-14443553259709066942013-07-27T15:55:00.004-07:002013-07-27T15:55:53.680-07:00WOMEN WHO HATE WOMEN: THE JOLENE DEBATE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">http://www.sickchirpse.com/jolene-debate/</span></div>
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-89106179621985083542013-07-23T10:02:00.002-07:002013-07-23T10:02:34.418-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-61641825827268733272013-07-23T10:01:00.002-07:002013-07-23T10:01:58.320-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-18024314371724138072013-07-23T10:00:00.002-07:002013-07-23T10:00:59.513-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-10026235787412704362013-05-28T13:05:00.002-07:002013-05-28T13:05:35.667-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">D</span><span style="color: #f9cb9c;">o</span><span style="color: #b6d7a8;">n</span><span style="color: #cfe2f3;">'</span><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">t</span> <span style="color: #cc0000;">b</span><span style="color: #674ea7;">e</span> <span style="color: #6aa84f;">s</span><span style="color: #a64d79;">a</span><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">d</span><span style="color: #ffd966;">,</span> <span style="color: #f6b26b;">I</span> <span style="color: #6fa8dc;">k</span><span style="color: #3d85c6;">n</span><span style="color: #f1c232;">o</span><span style="color: #674ea7;">w</span> <span style="color: #660000;">y</span><span style="color: #38761d;">o</span><span style="color: #f1c232;">u</span> <span style="color: #e06666;">w</span><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">i</span><span style="color: #f1c232;">l</span><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">l</span><span style="color: #3d85c6;">.</span></span></h2>
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-1204117173738761562013-05-13T07:25:00.001-07:002013-05-13T07:25:21.959-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-58507446221305227472013-05-13T07:24:00.001-07:002013-05-13T07:24:31.732-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-88533364192674314852013-05-13T07:23:00.001-07:002013-05-13T07:23:56.812-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-2129588383755114972013-05-10T10:05:00.001-07:002013-05-10T10:05:57.164-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-89450130046103473862013-02-19T12:02:00.001-08:002013-10-08T13:14:52.307-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Sometimes I can't cry unless I orgasm and sometimes I can't orgasm unless I stick a finger up my arse. I have to get out of the bath to speak to my Dad because I don't like to talk to my dad when I am in the bath, or when I have my finger up my arse. It's something about being naked, I don't know, it's like he can tell. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Hello,' said Dad</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Hello,' I said.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> I overstated warmth in my voice, he understated warmth in his voice. It is part of the agony of having a family, he said over the psychic airwaves. I have been working my entire life for you, I haven't even had a chance to read many books or see very much of the world. Wouldn't it be far greater to never have been happy, rather than knowing that I am going to die and make you cry. He said that over the psychic airwaves too, but as an ad-lib because my Dad is very selfish and rarely thinks about how unhappy I am going to be due to the fact that he is such a good dad and then he is dead. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> What was said in this conversation was very much irrelevant to the actual conversation. </span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'What have you been eating?' </span></div>
</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Museli and other wholesome foods' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Like what?' </span></div>
</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Egg, I suppose.' </span></div>
</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Have you been keeping warm?' </span></div>
</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Yes, very.' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Have you fixed the timer on the boiler?' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'No but we...' </span></div>
</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'You must fix that Katie or you'll be charged a bucket full of money.' </span></div>
</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> Don't forget me when I'm gone said Dad, over the psychic airwaves. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> There is something about being young that makes you think that you will never be old. I mean really, I don't think that I will die. I don't think that I will die. It isn't conceivable. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> Dad passes the phone to Mum. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> I know that he will go upstairs to play chess with the computer. The computer always beats him because it has a programmed move for every single move that Dad can possibly make. Dad is helpless and I don't know why he plays it. He says he enjoys taking part, even if failure is always inevitable. My dad is very morbid and quite boring. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Very little is conceivable to you Katie, because you have no concience.' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'That is not true, I care very much mum. Very deeply' </span></div>
</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Shut up Katie. Where is my angora sweater? You are an immigrant.' </span></div>
</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> She doesn't understand anything. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'But don't you think mum, when do you start to understand your own mortality?' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> I have pink sparkly toenail varnish on my toes, sometimes beautiful things very nearly make me cry. But mostly I cry from guilt. Sometimes I cry from the guilt of not noticing something is beautiful for a very long time and then realising when it is nearly too late. I smiled at my toes, I smiled like someone who wasn't going to die. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'You are going to die Katie. You are going to die just like me and your father. But first you are going to curl your hair seven-hundred and ninety-six times and eat four-hundred billion peanut butter sandwiches.' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> My mum thinks that she is conveying affection of some kind by talking fondly of peanut butter sandwiches and me. She behaves brutally because she has had three children and they have ruined her waistline, she thinks I act flippantly with peanut butter. She is of a different generation, women from her generation are only alive until they stop looking good and loose the capacity to see the settings on the microwaves. I did not give a shit about her angora sweater- I wonder why sticking my fingers up my arse makes me feel guiltier than leaving my mother's favourite sweater at a party. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> I wonder what it would be like to die.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'If you have had a hard life, like your mother, you would know that it is not such a terrible thing to die Katie. I have had a bad life but I will always be there for my family.' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<div style="font-style: inherit;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'What are you watching mum?' </span></div>
<div style="font-style: inherit;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-style: inherit;"> '</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><i>Eastenders</i><span style="font-style: inherit;">. Speak to you tomorrow.' </span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Bye Mum.' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Katie...?' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Yes Mum?' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Can you call in a better mood next time? I'm suffering from a fucking depression here.' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Stop watching Eastenders Mum.' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Yes, well.' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Bye then' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> 'Bye.'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> I whispered, 'I'm not going to die,' into the dead line and spent an hour in the bath.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-68113502152519542012013-01-07T11:44:00.002-08:002013-10-07T14:15:06.289-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9-KdV5au46E/UOwuUUfFUDI/AAAAAAAAAOI/UanYuCn3gXs/s1600/2235438182_ed0104ac44_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9-KdV5au46E/UOwuUUfFUDI/AAAAAAAAAOI/UanYuCn3gXs/s400/2235438182_ed0104ac44_z.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">She wasn't mad: she was Annabelle. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: small;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: small;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: small;"></span><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div class="im" style="color: #500050;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />She trusted no one and sometimes she talked to animals. 'Please fuck me the fuck out of this fucking life,' she said to next doors' cat. He winked at her.<br />Yawn, her secrets were nothing; just hiccups in the enormous everything.<br />She wore a blue school uniform and on the end of the pier the sea swallowed her. </span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">
</span><div class="im" style="color: #500050;">
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">When she looked out from her bedroom window, over the City at nighttime, cars holding unknown numbers of human beings, at least one of whom would also probably, almost definitely, be called Annabelle Sinclair, skittered past to somewhere that she would never go. Kaleidoscope's in brown and orange, other dimensions and unimaginable, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">shit</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">.<br />She liked to drink cherryade and also coke; like most of the kids in her class.<br />Annabelle felt insignificant.<br />The sky-line began to twist into the red phlegmish veins of the new day. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Annabelle stood perfectly still.<br />Annabelle, Anna, Annabelle.<br />'I am not real,' she said.<br />She did not shiver because she was not cold.<br />She thought of Igor because he was there and so was she.<br />That was the way it was.<br />Behind her the fairground rides started to sing and jog in dots along their convulsing melodies. </span></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">She watched her shoes floating on their cork soles across the feeble little shark finned waves and touched her stomach. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 17px;"></span><br />
<div class="im adL" style="color: #500050;">
<span style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">In the house Annabelle and Igor's mother pulled hairs out of an old hairbrush, one by one. Their father masturbated in the shower and then cried sliding down the wall and removing little avenues of limescale with his enormous back.<br />Annabelle's coat twisted on the sand at the bottom of the ocean.<br />She wondered how she would die.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 17px;"><br />
READ THE REST OF THE STORY HERE: http://tnssc.wordpress.com/the-story-so-far/</span></div>
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-46753860647044772342012-12-09T07:58:00.001-08:002012-12-09T07:58:26.926-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1px;"><img height="415" id="il_fi" src="http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/17qok2gi8ui74jpg/original.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="739" /></span></div>
Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-77725798730966611392012-10-03T07:07:00.000-07:002012-10-03T08:26:06.230-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Prologue<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I
watched as the urine coloured lights began to crawl over the Palace Pier like a
hundred thousand lice. From somewhere behind the traffic Vivian shouted,
“Frank, Frank, where are you going Frank?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Her
voice was ridiculous- the voice of a flapping pantomime dame. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">All of the holidaymakers and the families pushed along
the long neck of the Pier, strolling through the heat, like lazy swaggering
bubbles, with inane smiles on their faces and Jesus Christ I thought! Jesus
Christ, it was as though the sun had melted their faces, like lazy swaggering
bubbles, their malleable, waxy features folding into expressions of bleary joy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">A boiled, shrieking girl, raw from the sun, looked up
at me, chocolate ice cream smeared across her cheeks, forehead and wet mouth.
She angrily waved her empty cone, scratching with her useless little fingers at
where grains of sand had stuck to the stickiest patches of her red face. Keep
fighting little fish, I thought, you’re going nowhere. And in fact it was true,
the child was strapped into her pram just as I was strapped into mine and you
were strapped into yours. The dark shadow of her mother, hidden in the shade of
a sweating doughnut stand, blew out cigarette smoke like a bullock and laughed
at the reddening sky. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">But still, the waves turned over and over, crashing
grey water onto toenail shells and bottle tops. I looked away from the child,
holding my hands over my ears to drown her the sound of her mad screams, and
down to the beach at a man wearing green shoes, carrying a plastic shopping bag
made heavy with hard dog shit. He walked
down by the gobbing sea edge followed by a mud brown cocker spaniel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The breeze lifted the back of my light summer shirt
and I stood there feeling peaceful until a fat boy bumped into me. His luminous
bum bag fell onto the black gangway. He looked at me, I looked at him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">‘Fuck off,’ I shouted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">‘Sheeyt,’ said the boy. He had a German accent and
eyes that understood nothing. Behind the boy a drenched pigeon with bright pink
feet compassed his options with his pinprick head and flew into the end of the
day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The sun collapsed into the sea and I began to walk.<b>
<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">One<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Throughout his life Frank’s main problem was that both
of his parents had been eaten by sharks. During his youth he lived with his
Grandmother, who had survived the attack by staying on board the family yacht,
oiled and oblivious until she noticed that the stern whiteness of the boat was
outlined in a plumby, almost fruity kind of red. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The boy, who later became a man, only met his mother
and father twice. Firstly at his birth, where his vision was impaired by blood
and other gunk and secondly, when they leant over his cot before they went
away, dressed in yellow and laughing excitedly. ‘Hey there baby,’ said his
mother. The radio played ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)’ and his
mother hummed along while stuffing an enormous set of suitcases with perfumes,
which she wrapped in sports socks and floppy panama hats. On this second
occasion Frank was only two days old and because of this Frank remembered very
little of his mother and even less of his father. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">He was told small truths by various Aunts while they
were falling asleep beside the fire, or waking up on sun chairs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">‘She loved diamonds, even when she was a little girl,
she only wanted diamonds. No ponies like the other little girls, always diamonds
Frank. Pass me my glass.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Frank
looked at his leather loafers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">‘What was her favourite colour?’ he asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">‘That’s enough Frank. Move out of my sun.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">From
these snippets Frank imagined his mother as a little girl to look something
like a pattern of light falling through the leaves of a tree or the sunshine
that caught on the water at the seaside, surrounded by people and sparkling
sublimely. But later he learnt that his parents had very few friends and
actually blackmailed a young couple to play tennis with them at the end of
their last summer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">In the attic Frank found several unfinished portraits;
usually one eyed or crippled, with no hands or feet. His mother had been an
amateur painter but called off her debut exhibition in favour of a cocktail
evening at a bar, which was decorated in rich colours and called, The Pretenders. He also found out
that his father, a part-time expert in fishing, had once caught a giant carp
but hadn’t bother to gut it and left it on the path outside the sun room to
rot. ‘I fancy gammon tonight,’ he said to the cook, his voice, the voice of a
film-star, echoed through Frank‘s head.
His mother and father lived in a soft dishonest light, in photographs
where they played golf and smiled as though they had never been ripped into
pieces by sharks at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">It was true that both of his parents had
found it difficult to trust.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> This was undoubtedly because of their enormous wealth and had forced
them to fire a total of twenty-seven dishonest house staff. For their final
holiday they left him in the care of a Spanish woman, who was one of the last
employees available from the agency in town. They exited into the sunshine, double
locking the doors with the only bunch of keys so that no one could leave or
enter. In the open-top Saab his mother had laughed with his father, imagining
the Spanish woman escaping down the creeper ivy with their silver candlesticks.
The sun lit Frank’s mother’s teeth, so that they looked opaque and her floral headscarf
whipped the back of her skull. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Unfortunately, after the attack, when Frank’s
Grandmother had located her spectacles and realised her situation she remained
drunk on the yacht for several weeks, until she drifted ashore, half dead and
delirious. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> Frank and the Spanish woman stayed in the house
for the first month of Frank’s life, surviving, in the last week, on soft
bananas and apples. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The Spanish woman smoked two hundred and ninety-six of
Frank’s father’s good cigarettes and, when his Grandmother returned, stepping
over the baby, who had been left at the foot of the stairs, she escaped out of
the backdoor with several thousand pounds worth of jewellery. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Two<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I followed that pigeon for a quarter of a mile down
the road and then took the bus with almost the last of my pay packet. I wore
vast shades (they are not my vast shades- they belong to Vivian.) I took them
out of her, (Vivian’s) handbag because the sun had been very strong that
morning. Now I wore them so that no one could see that I was watching the
pigeon, watching him watching me. Little cock gobbling prophet. He always stepped
sideways, his attentive ginger eye watching me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The two small thick coins were new and polished and
when I moved my hand they caught the light and looked beautiful. In contrast
the large coin was almost black with a strip of bronze showing hard around the
Queen’s face. Illuminate my fate. The brass woman looked stern and angry and I
wondered for a second if she looked angry on all the coins of lesser value. ‘Bitch,’
I said quietly into my hand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The pigeon looked at me like I was a fruity loop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I had been working every day that week and spending
the early hours shaking in the freezing bathroom. Refreshing. Companies in
Brighton (and other places in the UK) pay 3% less than inflation as part of
their policy. Once I was so hungry that I stole a Pink Lady (apple), ‘tell it
to the Judge,’ they said. So I did. ‘People like you make me sick!’ That’s what
he said. You’ve got to believe me. It’s only in the movies because it’s true.
If you can’t trust Hollywood, Brad. I had taken to biting my fingernails so far
down that they bled. Stigmata for the modern tomartar!<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> I
was very tired and my thoughts had started to become spontaneous, as if I
hadn’t thought them myself at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">It took me twelve minutes to walk to the bus stop. I
decided to time every part of my journey on my stopwatch so that I could
explain the story accurately to my children and their children if I were to
have any children and they were to have children too. I imagined Vivian filled
with seeds, her belly round and her face as rosy as a Pink Lady, babies at her
feet and deliciousness in her eyes as I told her what I had done. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">It made me feel safer too, as I watched the eyelashes
tickling the face of my watch that these seconds had always been in the same
minutes who were in the same hours every single day. Everything was normal<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>
and I began to feel as though I was shaking snow from my limbs, warmth
spreading through my body, which was growing lighter, but then heavier at the
same time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I saw an elderly woman who was handing out Samaritan
leaflets and as my eyes flickered I thought very briefly about how nice it
would be to know her and also about what was under her dress. The bus filled
with tourists who pulled their souvenirs up the stairs so that they could look
at the globes<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[3]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> of the Royal Pavilion<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[4]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>
and the homeless people who drunk cider in its arches from the top deck. Then
people who had come out of the hospital wanted to get on and the bus driver had
to lower the step for the ones who were in wheelchairs and they were meek and
vulnerable and therefore at the back of the queue and they sat downstairs with
their bags pulled into their chests. Several of the outpatients had soft clumps
of matted hair on the backs of their heads where they had been laid on their
backs to be pumped with things for weeks and months and years. I felt sick and
had to look away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I let my cheek slap<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[5]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>
against the glass and watched, as the bus engine started up, the woman putting
her leaflets in her handbag and struggling with her shopping. A vision
stealthily crept into my mind and in the space it took me to blink, I imagined
her crunching under the tyres of the bus and her flesh grinding into the
concrete, her fingers splayed as though waving. I could only assume that this
was because of my tremendous fatigue and to prove it I picked up my head to
smile broadly at her as the bus moved on. She looked frightened and backed into
the doorway of an off licence. I could see urine soaking into her canvas shoes.
She wore no socks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">It was illogical<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftn6" name="_ftnref6" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[6]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>
but I spent the next half an hour wondering if people on the bus could read my
thoughts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When a young girl, who sat with a collapsible walking
stick folded into her poppy covered skirt, turned her soft blonde head around
to look at me for the third time I decided to get off the bus and break my
journey up by walking for a while. I walked medium- fast, with my head down and
my blue and green rucksack cutting red and white into my shoulder. The idea of
keeping my head down was to avoid contact with the others but with my eyes on
the ground I saw several dogs. Every time I turned a corner a mongrel seemed to
be looking up at me with disapproving caramel eyes. One had crapped royally on
the floor near the brick supermarket and a man with startling green shoes leant
down to pick up the mess. He was so old and when he bent over with the poop bag
he fell to his knees and his left hand broke the soft seal of the shit, smearing
it up the pavement. The dog licked itself, fluttering its long eyelashes in
disdain, but the old man was perfectly still, apart from the shaking of his
arms and legs, which quivered from the effort it was taking to support his
frame. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I stood for a minute in the shadow of a skip, which
was piled high with slats of wood and orange bags decorated with black skulls.
I thought about helping the man. That man is lying in shit I thought and
through gritted teeth I said to myself, I really did, I said, ‘Why would a man lie in shit? What kind of a
man would do that?’ I looked at the floor and my shoes- the leather around the
tongue had cracked and was constantly bent, curling upwards, even when I took
them off. Ashamed of my hesitation I began to kick at the side of the skip. I
felt the end of my toes burn with pain and bit my forefinger. It tasted of
grease and oil. And then I was skipping, dancing, swapping feet to kick until I
thought that the loon had probably gone and I was sure that my toes were bleeding
and I leapt out from behind the skip and shouted!<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftn7" name="_ftnref7" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[7]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>
But the old man really had gone and I carried on walking up the high street
with the key cold and dead in my pocket and my shoulders covered in snow and
misery. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]-->
<hr size="1" style="text-align: left;" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<div id="ftn1">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span lang="EN-US"> </span>I mean tomato- said in
an American accent- tomartar! This is Hollywood. <span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span lang="EN-US"> Normal- </span><span style="background: white; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">ordinary or usual; the same
as would be expected. (Cambridge Dictionary.)</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[3]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Buttocks</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[4]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> <!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype
id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t"
path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f">
<v:stroke joinstyle="miter"/>
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o:title=""/>
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<div id="ftn5">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[5]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> PFFFT</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn6">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftnref6" name="_ftn6" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[6]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span lang="EN-US"> Illogical- </span>not reasonable, wise or practical, usually
because directed by the emotions rather than by careful thought<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; text-align: left;">
<i>It is an illogical
statement, because if one part is true, then the other must be false. </i>(Cambridge
Dictionary.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn7">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7379584385372973426#_ftnref7" name="_ftn7" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">[7]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span lang="EN-US"> OIIIII! I shouted!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
</div>
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</div>
Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-4267901721493564642012-08-06T13:11:00.000-07:002012-08-06T13:11:04.410-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
You are your life, and nothing else.</div>Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-21645782745401355152012-08-06T13:10:00.000-07:002012-08-06T13:10:08.109-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RYsGMTuSTLA/UCAkTbaEMCI/AAAAAAAAANk/S1c6o7CTBt0/s1600/AVT_Jean-Paul-Sartre_5365.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RYsGMTuSTLA/UCAkTbaEMCI/AAAAAAAAANk/S1c6o7CTBt0/s320/AVT_Jean-Paul-Sartre_5365.jpeg" width="227" /></a></div>
<br /></div>Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-64990989612048588132012-07-25T04:37:00.003-07:002012-07-25T04:37:21.556-07:00Miss Teenage Riot<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-63pVX7JJAro/UA_aMvfYaGI/AAAAAAAAANY/Um_QsfH7GjA/s1600/miss.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-63pVX7JJAro/UA_aMvfYaGI/AAAAAAAAANY/Um_QsfH7GjA/s320/miss.jpeg" width="258" /></a></div>
<br /></div>Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-69791149615741619712012-07-25T04:37:00.001-07:002012-07-25T04:38:17.692-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-63pVX7JJAro/UA_aMvfYaGI/AAAAAAAAANY/Um_QsfH7GjA/s1600/miss.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-63pVX7JJAro/UA_aMvfYaGI/AAAAAAAAANY/Um_QsfH7GjA/s400/miss.jpeg" width="321" /></a></div>
<br /></div>Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-41539589175865218992012-07-25T04:36:00.001-07:002012-07-25T04:36:32.360-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-63pVX7JJAro/UA_aMvfYaGI/AAAAAAAAANY/Um_QsfH7GjA/s1600/miss.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-63pVX7JJAro/UA_aMvfYaGI/AAAAAAAAANY/Um_QsfH7GjA/s640/miss.jpeg" width="516" /></a></div>
<br /></div>Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-75310149820017695982012-07-12T03:31:00.000-07:002013-12-05T03:29:13.977-08:00The Lazy Fucking Youth of Today<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div>
<br /></div>
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dj7NXpUM2fo/TSG1CdWnV8I/AAAAAAAAAIA/cvHoriWPvLg/s1600/fun_frustration_depression-726064.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5557922468995749826" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_dj7NXpUM2fo/TSG1CdWnV8I/AAAAAAAAAIA/cvHoriWPvLg/s320/fun_frustration_depression-726064.jpeg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 240px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 320px;" /></a><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;">1. I really enjoyed your submission and would like to know what your ethnicity is, Sable Lit is a space for writers of colour, so that was part of the criteria when accepting submissions.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #1f497d; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">2. I’m afraid the PPM has been offered to, and accepted by, another student. I’m not authorised to release this information unless the other applicants actually ask me, otherwise I would have written before now. We did, in fact, put your application forward for another college-wide scholarship which was suddenly announced, but I’m afraid that was unsuccessful too – there are too many students chasing too few funding awards!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">3. Sorry we have already filled this vacancy and have long since withdrawn the advert.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">4. Thanks again for sending your work, but it is not a right fit for us. Best of luck placing this elsewhere,<br /><br />Editors, Mud Luscious Press</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">5. Thank you for your email. We were fortunate enough to receive applications that more closely matched the person specification than yours and I am sorry that you were not shortlisted for an interview on this occasion.</span></span></span></div>
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">6. Thank you for letting me have a look at your work. While I don't think this one is right for Metazen, I wish you much success in placing it elsewhere.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;">7. We appreciate your interest in the Bookseller and the position of News Reporter/ Junior Sub Editor for which you applied. After reviewing the applications received by the deadline, yours was not selected for further consideration.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span">8. Thank you for your application for the Santander Scholarship.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span">The selection panel has now considered the applications submitted for this award.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span">There was strong competition and I am sorry to inform you that unfortunately you have not been successful on this occasion.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I hope that you will be successful in finding alternative funding to enable you to pursue a Masters programme at Oxford Brookes.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">9. Thank you for your interest in and recent application for the position of Saturday Assistant. After careful consideration, it has been decided not to shortlist you on this occasion for the final selection process.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: navy; font-size: 13px;">10. Thank you for your application – I’m sorry you were not short listed for interview. It was simply the case that we had an exceptionally high calibre of applications from candidates with direct, extensive Back of House / Stage Door</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: navy;"> experience</span></span></div>
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span">11. This is very well-written but the piece is not for us.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;">12. Thank you for coming to the interview yesterday. Both Diana and I very much enjoyed meeting you, and felt strongly that you were a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;">goo</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;">d writer and would be an asset to the course. However, the bursary has been awarded to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;">someone of greater experience</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">13. Many thanks for your application for the post of Saturday Library Assistant. After careful consideration I am sorry to advise you that we will not be progressing with your application.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">14. Thank you for your time and for the opportunity to read your work, but this submission is not right for PANK at this time.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">We respectfully ask that you wait at least one month before submitting more work for consideration.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Arial; font-size: small;">15. Thanks for your email. We're not looking for specific volunteers at the moment, but we do regularly post out details via our e-list</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">16. So, we're sorry to have to break it to you but ... another bid for Job<b> #85808 - <a href="http://www.peopleperhour.com/freelance_jobs_work_projects/creative-content-writer/85808" style="color: #0000cc;" target="_blank">creative content writer</a></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> has been accepted.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">17. Thank you for taking the time to submit your work to <i>Spilling Ink Review</i>. Although we are unable to provide a home for “Flies” we wish you much success in placing your work elsewhere.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: navy; font-size: 13px;">18. I can confirm that we received a very high number of applicants –over 180 application forms- for a limited number of posts. The 1<sup>st</sup> stage of our selection process is based on the strength of the applicants’ experience and in your instance; unfortunately, your experience was not as strong as those invited to the interview stage.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px;"><b>19. Your application for the position of Graduate Web Content Writer / Online Copywriter (399192/3015767) has not been successful.</b></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-size: 11pt;">20. I’m afraid that we don’t have any vacancies at the moment.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-size: 11pt;">Thanks for your interest.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-size: 13px;">21. Many thanks for your application for the post of Library Assistant. After careful consideration I am sorry to advise you that we will not be progressing with your application.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">22. The Graduate School at the College of Arts and Humanities would like to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">thank for your recent application to the above competition. I regret to say that on this occasion your application has not been successful.<br />However, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest and to wish you every success in your future career.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">23. Many thanks for your application for the post of Library Assistant. After careful consideration I am sorry to advise you that we will not be progressing with your application.</span></span></span></div>
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">24. So, we're sorry to have to break it to you but ... another bid for Job<b> #87971 - <a href="http://www.peopleperhour.com/freelance_jobs_work_projects/Music-Festivals-Writer-Wanted-to-Work-on-Forum-Website/87971?utm_campaign=another_bid_accepted&utm_medium=email&utm_source=fr" style="color: #0000cc;" target="_blank">Music Festivals Writer Wanted to Work on Forum Website</a></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> has been accepted.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span">25.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Thanks for this! But to be honest no I still don't think it quite works. There is still the issue of a male voice, but more than that I think it's more of a perspective problem than a dialogue problem (for us that is). It's like a split screen in a film, only there's no way to do that with one voice. But if you have anything else I'd love to take a look.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">26. </span></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Thanks for this </span><span class="il" style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">story</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">. It's great flash fiction. I like it a lot. The only thing is I don't think it is going to work out loud in one voice - because of the shifting perspective and two distinct voices. It's tricky. If you have anything else you think might suit - please do send it along.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">27. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Thank you for your submission to Every Day Fiction. I regret to inform you that
we are unable to use it at this time. </span><br />
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Angela's character has great potential to base a <span style="background-color: #ffffcc;">story</span> on and the moving flies reminding Drew of her
wobbling flesh made sense, but there the melding of ideas ceases. There is a
hint that Angela may be about to ditch Drew and take charge of her life which
fizzles when she offers to bring him supper. There is a hint that Drew is
thinking of ditching Angela, but then the storyline moves again to focus on
Mitch and his lonely death. The three parts are not joined into a full <span style="background-color: #ffffcc;">story</span> yet and it is not clear what the
author intended the whole to be about.<br />
-- rose gardener<br />
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I like how each end of the phone conversation is in its own little world. As
Rose mentions, that builds an underlying tension as the reader wonders if these
two are about to break up, about to argue, or what. The last <span style="background-color: #ffffcc;">story</span> about Mitch is suitably creepy,
but I found it didn't really sync with the rest of the piece, and with Angela
hanging up, the tension that had been set up in the conversation was gone. I
was also a little confused by: "Angela offered him mushy peas and he felt
nausea rock his stomach." That sounds like she is suddenly right there
with him, offering him a spoonful of peas. If she isn't, if it is just a verbal
offer to go along with the fish-and-chips, who would ever get mushy peas as
part of take-out and consider it a suitable food to bring someone? It just felt
like an odd thing to say, an odd shift in tone.<br />
-- Joseph Kaufman<br />
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Unfortunately due to the insanely massive amounts of submissions in our slush
pile, we cannot reconsider your piece at this time.<br />
We wish you good luck in placing the <span style="background-color: #ffffcc;">story</span> elsewhere</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">28. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">Thank you for
your email. You are of course welcome to take what you will from our team’s
feedback and disregard the rest – the idea of including editorial comments with
our response is only to give you an idea of what worked </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">for us</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"> and
what didn’t, if only to help with your future decisions as to what pieces you
might or might not send to us or send elsewhere. Every publication naturally
has a slightly different set of needs to suit its readership and editorial
opinions; we don’t feel that our comments necessarily reflect the whole world’s
view.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">One of our
concerns as a publication is that our readership is quite literally global – we
have readers in Brazil, India, Belgium, and Finland, among other places – so we
have to guard against assumptions that might be common in one country but
unknown in another. I’m sure that any publication specifically for UK authors
wouldn’t blink at mushy peas, but our authors need to be aware that regional
foods, like regional dialects and customs, need a bit of context to work for
international readers. We have a forum thread on regional differences in
language and usage (<a href="http://www.everydayfiction.com/forums/index.php?topic=10785.0"><span style="color: #1155cc;">http://www.everydayfiction.com/forums/index.php?topic=10785.0</span></a>)
and I expect that some of the same issues discussed there would apply to other
regional issues. In the case of your </span><span style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">story</span><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">, Joseph’s
comment simply highlights the fact that a fair number of our readers will never
have heard of mushy peas, so if you’re writing for an international readership,
it’s worth thinking about how your </span><span style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">story</span><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"> comes
across to someone unfamiliar with UK chip shops and their traditional dishes.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">Finally,
congratulations on having your </span><span style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">story</span><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"> published
elsewhere, but you should be aware that you accepted a contract with us on
submission which makes simultaneous submissions inappropriate. Obviously that
contract is void on rejection, but if we had accepted the </span><span style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">story</span><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;">, it would have created an awkward contractual problem for you. I do
hope you’ll send us more of your work in the future, but please read and
respect our submission guidelines.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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29.<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">There wasn't
room for your </span><span style="background-color: #ffffcc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">story</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> this
month, but I did enjoy it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">30. </span><span style="background-color: white;">i am very sorry that we do not have any jobs as we are just a group of volunteers</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">31. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Delivery to
the following recipient failed permanently:</span></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial;"><a href="mailto:jo@qwfmagazine.co.uk">jo@qwfmagazine.co.uk</a></span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">32.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Yes
sure: first of all it was difficult as I left a few messages for you
and didn’t hear back to talk briefly before potentially putting you
forward. It was essential for me to speak to you so I’m afraid not
being contactable did impact on your application. It was also unclear
whether you were wanting to pursue a career in PR or writing, and there
was the fact that you are still undertaking your MA.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I’m sure you’ll do really well and do keep in touch once you graduate – best wishes </span><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 11pt;">J</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif;">33. Thank you for taking the time to apply for the Fugu PR: Intern/Trainee PR Account Executive role and apologies for the delay in coming back to you.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif;">We have found the calibre of applicants to be excellent and have therefore appointed the successful candidate. I am sorry that it was not you on this occasion but wish you well in securing an alternative post.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">34. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Thank you very much for getting in touch. I'm afraid our internship is on hold at the moment, as we have decided to take on a design intern rather than offering the editorial internship (we are a tiny company so there isn't space for more than one extra person!). I hope we'll be able to offer the internship later in the summer, so I'll make sure I email you as soon as I know that a vacancy is coming up.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">35. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Thank you for sending us "The Wallpaper". Apologies for the delay in our response. We appreciate the chance to read your work but, unfortunately, the piece is not for us. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">36. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Thank you for your application and for your interest in Myriad. We have received a tremendous number of applications and, although you were a strong contender for the internship, there were other applicants who have more relevant experience and who -- on this occasion -- we feel would be better suited to the role. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm sorry to write with disappointing news and I'll certainly file your application in case an opportunity arises later this year. Meanwhile, thank you for taking the time to apply for the internship. And good luck with your job search.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">37. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">hi alice,</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">thank you so much for your email</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">unfortunately, your submission doesn't fit with our next issue</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">(please see attached image)</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">but feel free to send us something else in the future !</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;">i especially liked the first story</span></span></div>
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thanks again & have a good day</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">38. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Although you are clearly a very talented writer, we will not be moving forward with your application on this occasion. </span><br />
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Thank you very much for taking the time to apply. Wishing you all the best. </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">39. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm afraid we'd only be reviewing copies directly from publishers on the fiction section.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">40. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Thank you for your recent application for a job vacancy at Mooncup Ltd. Unfortunately you have not been selected for interview on this occasion. We wish you good luck in finding suitable employment elsewhere.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">41. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Thanks for sending a sample of your work. On reflection, I'm afraid it's not quite what we're after for this event. But thank you for contacting us about your work. Good luck with the novel for next year.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">42. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 13px;">Generally you gave a very good interview and the reason you didn't get it is because there was someone else with greater experience, some excellent publications and so on. And so it wasn't really anything you did in the interview. However, I've had a think about it and here are some areas you could maybe sharpen bearing in mind that all course convenors probably have their own particular views.</span><br />
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1. Check out the website more carefully perhaps - and show the interviewers you have researched the course closely. Maybe ask them a very particular question about this to show you have done your research.</div>
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2. I wouldn't personally say either in applications or at interviews 'I want to gain distinctions'. I think it is better to make a statement about how you want to write work of real quality, perhaps give an example of how you would like to push your own boundaries- I suppose it amounts to the same thing but the 'distinction statement' makes you sound a bit 'course bound' and less like an independent writer with their own artistic agenda.</div>
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3. Presentation - one of the scripts you sent seemed to be presented as an A5 booklet (unless that was someone here photocopying it in a certain way). I would stick to A4 one side of the paper only, at least 1.5 line spaced. That's only cosmetic and you were shortlisted anyway,but I guess it's best to look as professional as possible.</div>
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4. You gave a good account of why you liked reading Richard Yates but could maybe make some more specific statements about a wider variety of writers - your answer was very good - but I'm just thinking about what could help you further.</div>
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5. Workshopping - when I probed, you gave a good answer but to begin with you sounded a bit like someone who might 'write by committee'. We got somewhere interesting but I suppose if you thought more deeply about workshopping and its processes, about redrafting through intensity and subtext etc as well as through the group logic of the workshop, you could give a richer answer.</div>
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6. Maybe generally have a think about intuitive writing, logical writing, writerly processes - or read around and maybe have one or two quotations up your sleeve.</div>
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Hope that helps and good luck with your future interviews and writing.</div>
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By the way, when you went out I thought you'd given an excellent interview and still do. I'm only bringing up the above points to help you push it further for other interviews.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">43. Thank you for sending us Doctor Sharpe which we read with interest. Unfortunately, we decided it is not quite right for Ambit.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">We are unable to give individual feedback due to the large quantity of material we are sent. In fact, we are only able to accept about 3% of the work we receive, but thank you for thinking of Ambit. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">In October 2013 we changed our editorial board and if you haven't seen a recent Ambit we suggest you purchase one at</span><a href="http://www.ambitmagazine.co.uk/" style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" target="_blank">www.ambitmagazine.co.uk</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> or ask your local library to order one. That way you can familiarise yourself with what we are currently publishing. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">44. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Thank you so much for expressing an interest in the job of course administrator, although unfortunately on this occasion you were unsuccessful.</span><br />
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<span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">We have had an overwhelming response to the job advert, with the standard of applicants being extremely high, and as such despite the fact that you clearly have good skills and experience, there were others who had even stronger applications on this occasion.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">45. Dear Mary-Jane</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Thank you for your emailing me across some examples of your work.</span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">We have had the opportunity to review your CV and regret to inform you that we have chosen to pursue other candidates whose skills, background and education more closely match our needs.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">Groupon Ltd </span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>Dear Groupon Ltd,</b></span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>My name is not Mary-Jane.</b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">45. Hi </span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Alice</b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">
It's Lisa from WhatClinic.com here. I'd like to check that <b>Dr Shah & Partners has</b> been in touch with you since you contacted them on Tuesday 02 Aug. By telling us about the clinic's customer service you help other patients make a better informed choice.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://www.whatclinic.com/1786562/consumer/feedBack.aspx?contact=0&leadid=2855380&utm_source=patient_82_leadFeedBack&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=PhilVersion1" style="color: #0000cc; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">I have not been contacted by Dr Shah & Partners</a></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></div>
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Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-24956157089150116742012-07-08T04:56:00.002-07:002012-07-08T04:56:34.234-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uWUZzhPUg8Y/T_l1Zhgr-nI/AAAAAAAAANM/aw2NzreRX-M/s1600/260006_220304141323269_1656925_n.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uWUZzhPUg8Y/T_l1Zhgr-nI/AAAAAAAAANM/aw2NzreRX-M/s640/260006_220304141323269_1656925_n.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br /></div>Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-48921388445838509452012-07-08T04:52:00.003-07:002012-07-08T04:52:21.935-07:00“The Most Beautiful Suicide” by Robert Wiles, 1947<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OQ9Z5MX2ItY/T_lzzoAB7TI/AAAAAAAAANE/6BVIeXzJnT0/s1600/beauty+suicide.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OQ9Z5MX2ItY/T_lzzoAB7TI/AAAAAAAAANE/6BVIeXzJnT0/s640/beauty+suicide.jpeg" width="478" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">On May Day, just after leaving her fiancé, 23-year-old Evelyn McHale wrote a note. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">‘He is much better off without me … I wouldn’t make a good wife for anybody,’</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She went to the observation platform of the Empire State Building. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Then she jumped. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In her determination she leaped clear of the setbacks and hit a United Nations limousine parked at the curb.</span></span></div>
</div>Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-9825540863456794522012-04-02T13:12:00.000-07:002012-08-06T13:12:58.552-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--Q4Q-NQPdQ4/UCAlKtOfhOI/AAAAAAAAANs/dJbUX9LYTTQ/s1600/Tombe_de_Sartre_et_Beauvoir_au_cimetie%CC%80re_du_Montparnasse.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--Q4Q-NQPdQ4/UCAlKtOfhOI/AAAAAAAAANs/dJbUX9LYTTQ/s320/Tombe_de_Sartre_et_Beauvoir_au_cimetie%CC%80re_du_Montparnasse.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7379584385372973426.post-38336749322780846412011-09-30T10:07:00.001-07:002011-09-30T10:07:15.407-07:00<img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_pIN0zAPSZUM/SOB1BnaoF4I/AAAAAAAAAKE/OA855J-KsfQ/s400/a1.jpg" />Einhornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02312179877594222587noreply@blogger.com0